I debated even writing this since I know that I’m going to have people telling me that I’m nuts, but after some thought I figured, why not? I’ve been completely open with you guys up to this point, why not now?
So here it is: after a discussion with my OB last week, I came out of the experience feeling discouraged, scared, and completely let down. From the moment I knew I was pregnant she had been encouraging me and telling me that she would do everything in her power to get me my VBAC and my 100% natural birth. I was over joyed, I had found an amazing OB who was going to support me with my birth plan! I knew this was something that was rare, and I told everyone I knew that she was amazing and that she fully supported natural birth. She had even said to me that “she trusted women’s bodies to know what to do” and that was music to my ears.
Than it was like she flipped a switch last week and wasn’t the same doctor. I went into the appointment anticipating to have the my birth plan discussed, have my questions answered and to come out feeling OK with my hospital birth. (Since the hospital birth has been a compromise with my husband from day one) Everything was going great until I started asking for specific percentages, and her specific ideas as to how my birth journey was going to go. It was like I was seeing a completely different OB. She suddenly wasn’t optimistic about my birth plan anymore and kept referring to her experience that was women who had previous c-sections couldn’t give birth vaginally. When I asked her how many VBACs she had even seen she said only 3 and “only 1 made it, but she had had a vaginal birth before so….” I was shocked. She didn’t even believe that I could make it and she was supposed to be a “VBAC supportive provider”? That’s when she really started throwing wrenches into my birth plan: I couldn’t walk past 6 cm or 5 cm if my water had already broken, I was required to than lay down and have an internal monitor put on for the duration of my labor, (I.E break my water and screw a device into my child’s head), I couldn’t at that point use the labor tub or the shower, I was required to have an IV placed, (no option for Hep lock) and if “I didn’t progress” she was rushing me to c-section. No waiting, no chance to stand up and attempt to kick start my labor again, nothing. I was to be prepped for surgery and that was it.
At this point she was really getting annoyed that I didn’t look as optimistic and that I was continuing to ask questions. That woman couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. I was utterly stunned. What happened to the OB that I had been having great conversations with for the last 27 weeks of my pregnancy?!
I went home and just cried. It felt like she had pulled the rug out from under my feet. Matt wasn’t as stunned, apparently he had guessed she wasn’t what I thought she was and was just letting me figure it out on my own. I would have appreciated an heads up! haha He just held me and said we would figure something out.
That began the most frustrating, head ache inducing, intense round of deep conversations we have had in a long time. I felt like we were talking circles around each other: he wanted to stick with the Hospital birth and just go in ready to fight for what we wanted and to wait as long as possible at home so that I had a chance to labor naturally for as long as possible before they put the monitors on me and made me lay down. Sounds reasonable enough, but I had completely given up on the idea of having any kind of natural labor and delivery if we went to the hospital and had our OB calling the shots. I poured out all my fears, sorrows, disappointments and just lack of faith in the hospital. I didn’t trust the OB anymore and I really didn’t trust the nursing staff to let me do what I needed to do without a fight and a hostile environment unfolding in my hospital room. Matt was just as dumbfounded. We were at a cross roads: we both knew what the other wanted and were both not willing to fold.
We slept on it Thursday night, brought it up again Friday night, got no where, slept on it again, mildly brought it up Saturday night, got a tiny bit of progress and than we made it to Sunday night and we decided to just sit down and talk till we had a solution. This talking in circles was getting exhausting.
I had been talking to other VBAC women, my mother and my Child birthing instructor and had come to the conclusion that our only option was to get a midwife and have the home birth that I had been wanting from day one. I didn’t see any other solution that would not guarantee me a c-section at the end of a frustrating labor experience. I could tell I hadn’t shocked him, he had guessed that is where my thoughts had been going. His only concern was cost, Midwives are not cheap. He informed me that he would have been perfectly fine with a home birth if our insurance had even covered a tiny bit of the cost. I didn’t think this was something he was willing to bend on and I was getting really hopeless. He than surprised me and told me he would look at our finances and see if it was even a possibility. I couldn’t believe it. He was at least looking!
After a long, agonizing 30 minutes on my part, I threw the idea of not eating out anymore and using that money for payments towards the midwife. That got me a reaction: he was all for it! Suddenly it was like he had a huge burden off his shoulders and we both could breathe.
We went to bed that night excited for the birth of River Lee, calm and utterly content in our decisions. We were doing it! We were going to have an all natural water/home birth with a midwife at our side.
I couldn’t be more a peace with our decision and for the first time since I talked to our OB last week I feel the fear, and tension leaving my body. I am getting what I wanted in the first place: a calm, 100% natural water birth in the comfort of our own home.
Yes, I do believe we have made the jump into the true realm of “hippie”. haha