There has been a situation in our life that has been burdening not only my heart, but that of Matthew’s and once again it decided to enter our life, and not so nicely. It always have a way of rearing its great ugly head, just as we begin to heal and move on with our life.
I was discussing the issue with my mom, whom knows everything that has happened, and is going on (love having my mom as a bff), and she started to mentor to me. I’m not sure if she even knows how much it helped, or if she really even knew she was speaking to my soul and heart, right as she was doing it. But she told me this:
Tracey, you need to forgive yourself for what she has done to you. You need to let go of the anger, and just forgive. Your not forgiving her, your not forgetting what she has done to you and your family. And you also don’t have to let her back into your life, but you do need to release the control she has on you.
As she was saying this to me, I suddenly realized the depth of my anger. I have never had someone attack me, belittle me, and just go out of their way to criticize every thing I have ever expressed before. I have always found love, mentor ship, and a general good in all adults (especially family) I encountered. To my bafflement, adults always loved me, even when I thought they shouldn’t. I had never had the issues that I encountered, the minute I married into the Berry family. So I had no idea how to react and how to handle the situation.
I don’t regret the way I handled the situation, and I don’t regret the decision that Matt and I came too. I never what the hate, and manipulative environment to ever be near my child. That is not what I need to let go. I do need to let go the anger I am holding in my heart. The anger is not effecting the other person; it is only eating at me. I need to release it to God. He can deal with the outcome of it all. He can take care of the situation. I just need to trust him.
Forgiveness…. Who would have thought this would be so hard?
Thank you Mommy… You have no idea how much you helped me. I love you.